simeon you dont have to read this

I’m a semi-self actualizing, world dominating robot that enjoys humble pastimes such as saving children from burning buildings just to launch them with a trebuchet into the mouth of a volcano. I am also a father of thirty-four gremlin-like children that do lawn work around my swelteringly humid planet called Florida. On a typical Kevin day you can find me inside of my submarine—collecting crustaceans, invading underwater colonies with my be-gilled water children, or slaving over the master work station creating what some may know as art. I have manufactured a device that permits me to lengthen the hours of my day, allowing me 5 hours for sleep, 19 hours for creative work, and 42 hours for my underwater adventures.

At the age of 18, I started my combat training at the Art Institute of Tampa in the fields of Media Arts and Animation. The bottom-feeding enemy invaders were remarkably epileptic, so animation and colorful design was our only hope to suppress the relentless assault. Our only means of communication throughout their onslaught were assorted visual terminals, which required me to be very proficient in motion graphics, web, and print design in order to convey a strong message to the masses.

My formal training started at a much younger age, twelve years after birth if I can recall correctly, when my parents were kidnapped by the bottom feeders. The only way they would permit my parents to live was if I created short cartoons to keep their emperor entertained. Fortunately my seizure inducing shorts allowed for my parents to escape. Ever since I’ve been staying up to date with technology in case another attack invades my household.

These bacon boycotting infidels couldn’t have been warded off without my allies; The Adobe Militia; Captain Autodesk and his sidekicks Maya and 3Ds Max, The Cascading Style Sheets and the WordPressing Bounty hunters.

but read this stuff

The goal of my vision is to efficiently communicate to every last underwater creature in a creative way to help recruit and conquer over the bottom feeders of the sea. I am looking forward to entertaining the open minded demographic of the under-water world.

My main strength that will help me achieve this goal is my problem solving skills. Whether it be not enough shells for the crustaceans or an insufficient salt in the water. Although I am not one to confess my weaknesses, sometimes I find myself spending too much time on the most minute sea creatures even though their contribution to my overall goal is very small.

With the help of my allies, the opportunity of persuading the bottom feeders to be more open minded and more socially responsible creatures is one that is in the near future. I want to use my problem solving skills to make the under-water world a more enjoyable and balanced environment.

Although I am trying to be persuasive in my activities, there are lots of persistent threats. The bottom feeders may try to censor some of my more wild and stylized messages, making it impossible for me to branch out. Again, some of my work is remarkably stylized, and persuading the typical sea creature to invest will be one challenging task.

Soon to be ruler of the sea
-Kevin